Care Vs Control

I’ve been in a few situations these last five weeks where my past has confused the present.

It usually comes down to what I am doing because I care, versus what I am doing because I want control.

Manipulation can often look like care.

I found a great quote that I wanted to share.

“There’s only one way to know the difference between care and control. Is someone giving you care in the way you want to better you? Or are they doing it to make you more comfortable and convenient for them?”

I think my actions are starting to speak for themselves. Granted, it’s only just a small whisper now, usually drown out by the loudness of my past, but they are fighting to be louder.

Nearly everything I do now comes from a place of love. I don’t care about controlling anyone or anything. I just want to be. In the moment with my loved ones.

So am I being controlling or am I showing care?

I know the answer, but I can’t answer for you. I can’t speak for you. All I can do is show you my heart and leave it to you to decide.

Brick By Brick

I was always under the impression that to become close to someone you had to work at breaking down their walls.

But I’m learning that to knock someone else’s walls down and push your way forward doesn’t mean that they really want you in.

So I’m placing down my chisel. I’m dropping the sledgehammer to my side. I don’t need them anymore.

I’m not going to be someone who pressures you to lower your defenses.

I will sit patiently at the base of the wall, looking up at you and admiring your beauty.

I will pace back and forth, gently running my fingers over each of the bricks that these walls were made from, understanding that each one carried a story and deserves to be recognized and honored for the changes they have made in you.

I will occasionally take a step back, look up at you, and whisper words of love softly through the vastness of your heart in hopes that they will reach you.

I never know if you hear them drifting upwards to you, but occasionally I hear a brick fall beside me.

I will find each brick that comes down and appreciate it for what it is, thanking each one for protecting your heart, reassuring them that I will be kind and will not cause any further pain.

I will look up and watch you working away. You’re very intentional. Some bricks are thrown down to me, never to be used again for your own walls, while other times the bricks being removed are being replaced by new ones.

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There is a big wall that stands between your heart and mine. But I believe if I am patient then eventually you will make your way down, one brick at a time, followed by walls crumbling around you.

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You look down at me, cautiously, evaluating the changes I am making. Taking time to ensure that what you are seeing is real and genuine. Building trust that if you were to fall, I would be there to catch you. Building trust that if you were to let me in, I would be kind and gentle with your heart.

Somedays no bricks are removed at all. And other days several come down all at once.

I will gather all of the bricks you throw down, and combine them with my own from the walls I have torn down myself, and use each brick in building a new home for us.

It’s going to take time. But I want to give respect to each brick that is being removed from our own walls and used in building a new life together.,

I will be here, waiting for the next brick to come down. I will be here, arms open, waiting to catch you should you ever fall. I will be here, supporting and shouting up to you “It’s okay. These walls were put up for a reason.” I will be here, reminding you that you can trust me. I will be here, healing my own self so that I can be gentle with others hearts. I will be here. Take your time, my love. Let them come down when you are ready.