“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. Healing means the damage no longer controls you.”
You told me you couldn’t heal with me. And that should have been enough. Your wants and your needs have been neglected for so long that I can’t fight your need to heal without me.
I hope you can heal. And I hope you find what it is you are looking for in life.
My apologies flow out of my mouth as if they are a requirement for any conversation we have. I know you’re so tired of hearing them.
And I know that you don’t fully believe the sincerity and honesty behind them.
That I say the words “I’m sorry” so frequently that you become numb to it and it begins to lose it’s meaning.
But it doesn’t. With each sorry comes more understanding of the things that I did wrong. They value of the words from me are not diminishing, they are growing with each occurrence.
But I know my words have been empty promises that take the love from you, and not giving it instead.
And I know the sorrys are becoming redundant and excessive. So I just acknowledge.
“I understand.” “I hear you.”
But the sorry is there within all of my words, and they are carrying forth through my actions.
I do understand. I do hear you. And I am sorry.
But “sorry” doesn’t heal pain. “Sorry” doesn’t fix broken hearts.
I hope and I pray and I want you to heal. And you can’t do it with me, but I will always be cheering you on from the sidelines.
And I am on my own healing journey. There are a lot of things that I have been through as well that never got addressed.
Neither of us were perfect in our marriage. And we were not raised with good examples of what a healthy marriage should be. We were kids, having kids, trying to figure out how to be adults. We stumbled. Both of us. A lot.
But we are adults now. And we have figured out a lot of life, and have worked through a lot of tough situations and issues.
Someday you and I will be healed from the pain that we have been through. And we will be better people for it. I’m trying to live in the here and now, but I look forward to the day that we can sit down together for coffee and have relief come over us because the heaviness in our hearts is finally gone.