Today is a difficult day. Not that anything specific happened, but everything I miss is catching up to me.
I miss the texts throughout the day where you just check in on me and let me know that you’re thinking of me.
I miss you sending me TikToks.
I miss knowing that you would be thinking about me during the day.
I miss your touch. And not just in a romantic way, but the way that your skin against mine would quiet the world and bring peace to my heart.
I miss holding your hand in the car while I played with the ring on your finger, always reminding me of how lucky I was to have you in my life. God, why did I not tell you how lucky I was.
I miss you running your hands through my hair while I am driving, instantly bringing a smile to my face and making me drop my shoulders in relaxation.
I miss having you lay on my chest every evening while I rubbed your back and played with your hair.
I miss playing with the rings on your clothes straps as you laid there.
I miss our breath and heartbeats syncing as one as you laid on my chest.
I miss the softness of your back as I ran my fingers over them. I miss the open back shirt you used to wear to bed so I would more easily be able to rub your back.
I miss the way you would look at me. The quick glances and the smile that would come across your face.
I miss your smile when you would look up at me while laying on me.
I miss hugging you. And not in the way that we are hugging now, but the intimate hugs where I could feel your heart and you could feel mine. God, I wish I never would have made you think that they annoyed me. You give the warmest, tightest yet gentle, comforting hugs than any I have ever received from anyone in my life.
I miss our goodbye kisses. The importance that we made to always kiss one another goodbye, no matter what was going on or where we were going.
I miss your arms wrapped around mine as we shopped together.
I miss your lips against mine. Another thing I made you think I didn’t enjoy, yet something my body aches for.
I miss you asking for my opinion on more things in your life. Yes, I know you still do, but the little things always brought me so much joy knowing you trusted me to help make those decisions.
I miss you putting your legs on me while we watched a movie or a show together.
I miss rolling over every morning and holding you tight.
I miss holding each other before we went to sleep each night. You rubbing my back, me playing with your hair, or switching it up when one of our arms got tired.
I miss the way you would dance in the kitchen when you were cooking and thought no one was looking.
I miss you calling me when something happened in your day.
I miss your laugh.
My heart is hurting today because all of these things that I miss could be gone forever.
I hope there are things that you miss about me. I didn’t love you in the way you deserved, but I did better to show you ways that I was in love with you. I have so much love in my heart that I want to give you. Every part of me just wants to do all of these things for and with you.
And my heart aches knowing I may never get to love you the way you deserve. I am loving you in every way that I can right now, and I am trying to take advantage of every opportunity that comes up to be able to show you in the ways that you are allowing me. I hope someday you will be able to let me in a little bit more so I can show you my love just a little bit more.
I just miss you.
You’re 5 feet from me, yet it feels like you’re 5 miles away.
I miss you so much.